Which Category Are You In With Your Friend?
Friend Zone (ugh)
Dateable (yay)
A Hopeful (please)
For your sake, I hope that you aren’t in the dreaded “friend zone.”
The “friend zone.” An informal noun that is technically defined as: a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an un-reciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other.
Nobody really ever wants to hear this term. Typically when you do, you are not on the good end of it and would rather crawl under a rock and hide for what feels like an eternity. BUT the real question is, can you get OUT of the friend zone? This has been on my mind for an article since someone that I know swore to me they can get out of the zone. Being the analytical person I am, I have put a bit more thought into this and have come to the conclusion that my original thought was right. Can you get out of the friend zone? No.
Alright hold on, before you get your panties in a bunch about my opinion…let me explain why. You see, I believe that anybody that moves from a “what’s thought of as a friend zone” to more than a friend, was never FULLY in the zone. I know that for me personally, I tend to compartmentalize people, as do most women and once you are a friend. No ifs, ands or buts about it. I am also a believer that a man and a woman CAN be JUST friends so please keep all your cats and dogs comments to yourselves…I mean…that is a stupid point anyways, how often do your see a cat and a dog mating?? Anyways, not to get too side tracked… but if I initially see someone as having potential as more than a friend, then they are the only ones that can segway “compartments” in my mind. It is possible to be attracted to someone and THEN think of them as only as a friend due to personality, morals or just plain stupidity. Personality goes a long way, and ultimately it doesn’t matter to me how attractive somebody is, some people definitely aren’t meant to even try to be together. With all this being said, this creates a 3rd compartment for the person that you always held out hope for. I fully believe that there are those friends that you never really categorize because you are hopeful that things will work out (which in a way IS assigning them a category). If they never were really friend zoned then they never really worked their way out of it- right? Not saying you will end up with a pile of “hopefuls” but there are a few within our lifetime that we can zone in this way.
I think that I don’t really believe that you can transition from a pure friend zone because it is natural to be drawn to the opposite sex (or same sex …to each their own) and although this can extend to your own friends, that doesn’t mean either of you would be able to fill each-others needs in a relationship. Instead you have developed an infatuation, and it’s up to you as an adult to think about that from a practical perspective.
Deep down. Somewhere buried deep… part of me is a hopeless romantic. It’s a side that doesn’t come out often due to mostly sheer fear of rejection, but there ARE those that we keep in this maybe or hopeful pile. Kind of like employers in an interviewing process, there are candidates that catch our eye and we hold them in a 3rd pile to be discovered or revisited later. Stuck in neutral they sit until we can make a decision on them…if we ever do. If we don’t, then we have to ask ourselves if we are okay if a decision is made for us. What if that “hopeful” in that maybe pile, starts dating someone else? Does it make the current friendship awkward or uncomfortable? If you think you are fine without ever exploring that side with someone then you may just need to go ahead and friend zone them, or yourself, immediately. It’s just an infatuation. BUT if the thought of that person slipping away makes your skin crawl just a bit or puts your stomach in a knot, then you need to grow up, metaphorically "grow a pair" and explore those feelings before it’s too late. What do you have to lose? If you find yourself in this situation and your fear of rejection or losing a friend is what is holding you back, then, well…get over yourself. If they start dating someone else and you have these feelings, then there is a good chance the friendship will be strained either way so I ask you...#whynot ?
Not 100% sure if you want to stay friends or move things forward? That's okay. The internal struggle is real and sometimes somebody is great, they just aren't great for you and there is nothing wrong with that. Ultimately, attraction is almost as important as communication in a relationship, so ask yourself.... do you want to take the persons clothes off. No? Then keep everything just as it is.
xoxo,
The Hypocritical Hopeful
PS
A little added bonus? The fact that I found a Wiki page on how to escape the friend zone WITH a bunch of non discriminating photos embedded and now I MUST share it with you all!>> HERE
Also, words to the wise…
Please IGNORE "the ladder theory"…it’s a load of old school BS
